It's the girlfriend's birthday tomorrow...so tonight while she is out at work I guess I am going to be packing the remainder of her presents.

I love other people's birthdays more than my own...I guess because quite often they are an excuse for a good get together...they are an excuse to spend money...and a reason to buy presents.

Claire is always shocked at the level of thought I put into the things I buy...in the run up to Christmas it is best to leave me to do my Christmas shopping alone as the number of times I wander around and around a store is incredible... I pick things up...I put them back...I worry about whether people will like them...then the anxiety kicks in...next I worry about the card...but at the end of the day I feel happy knowing I have bought something that hopefully someone will love and treasure...

Then there are the silly pressies...a thong for my best mate who was going through a fascination with underwear and claiming she "could never wear anything that little"...fart putty for a friend who was moaning she was too grown up...a big bottle of bubbles because a friend had mentioned how much she loved them when she was little...

ahhhh...I returned to the gym today for the first time in over a year...since meeting my partner I have put on about three stone in weight and she has put on about five...that works out as just over a stone a year for her and just under a stone a year for me...we've tried weightwatchers but spent our time feeling perpetually hungry...I think just the suggestion that we weren't allowed food made us want to eat more..we tried just being sensible...that didn't work...I love haribo, crisps and chocolate far too much andalways ended up walking to the corner shop for more...with constant reminders from my mum that I am fat and overweight we're now back to the gym...so this evening I'm feeling proud of myself...I have only had the one chocolate bar...and I have done 64 lengths of the swimming pool (admittedly it's the size of a large puddle)...and walked about a mile (more by the time the dogs get their exercise...unfortunately it's now dinner time and as I am typing this instead of cooking I guess it may just be a case of take away...will it be chinese..indian...pizza...or fish and chips...why on earth must I be plagued by a love of food?

Well I started working at the UK supermarket which intends to take over the world by 2010 on Wednesday and I am shocked to say I love it...

Having been a teacher for years I had expected worse abuse and treatment than I had experienced previously but so far I am finding that people are friendly and easy to chat to.

For so long I have suffered anxiety. This is largely brought on by a fear of the unepected. Yes, I am aware that sounds tragic but it's the truth. Anything can trigger it...fear that someone is going to tell me I have done something wrong, fear that new people I am going to talk to will laugh at me, fear that when speaking to someone over a phone line they are secretly pulling faces at me...working at Tesco's is genuinely helping to quell that fear and make me less scared of the unknown...

Okay so I am a sad case....Okay being scared of new people is pathetic...but it's also me...take me as you find me or not at all!!!

Well I'm back in the Wet Midlands (oops West Midlands...) I'm back with my girl and going to disappear shortly to see the dogs...I had a showndown with one parent on leaving with lots of talk about how ungreatful a daughter I am but ho hum...

Reason for my blog today is actually dogs...greyhounds to be specific....

Yesterday in Brecon town I saw a lady with two beautiful creatures...from the shape I assumed they were greyhounds so I went over to speak to her. It turned out that the dogs were in fact Spanish sighthounds...

I don't know if any readers know about these dogs but all I can say is they live in such dreadful conditions. This lady's two dogs had previously been owned by gypsies and I believe that in comparison to many of the dogs they had treated quite well. They had after all survived despie being left to starve over a winter.

Now the whole point of this blog is to ask...if greyhounds were less meek, less affectionate and more savage of temperament would they still be treated in this shocking manner? Some of the stories I have heard are...

A) Ears being cut off to rob them of their identities...this is due to all greyhounds having ears tattooed making them race legal...

Dogs being dumped despite being alive in wells...making them difficult to save.....

C) Dogs being dumped from the back of the vans because they have lost their races...this often happens at high speeds on motorways...

D) Dogs being abandoned...sometimes getting found as bags of skin and bone...

E) Dogs being shot...because they are classified as livestock they can be treated in the same manner as pigs, sheep and cows...

Please if you have a home that is big enough consider letting a geyhound into your life. Yes they are fairly large but when they are curled up into a corner of your room you barely notice them. They are quiet, they are loving and despite occasionally having tough lives they are prepared to forgive people of all evils...There are such a huge number of them up for adoption it is unbelievable but it also means that there is probably a dog out there for you...

If you are near the Wet Midlands (oops West) there is a car show in Stoke Prior near Bromsgrove this weekend on Sunday and my partner and I will be there with our two beauties hoping to persuade people to take a dog home...

Just woken up from a nice comfy bed...in a nice bedroom...in a nice house...from a good nights sleep...

Something however, was missing...I guess the empty feeling as I stretched my left arm out...the lack of a head on the pillow next to me...the warmth of a body lying there...

At my parents home lesbianism isn't discussed and my girlfriend is a hated figure...not so much my dad as my mum...and that brings me on to the subject of this blog Llangynidr...

Llangynidr is a small village in the foothills of various mountains with view over the Black Mountains, Brecon Beacons...it has a shop...two pubs...a canal...a river...and large house prices...it lies 10 miles from Brecon...10 miles from Abergavenny...

Idyllic hey? It is...except everyone knows what you are doing...my mum is so scared of what everyone thinks that she tells everyone I am in a permanent job and loving it...As a teenager I hated it for it's greenness and distance from everywhere...and part of that hate still remains...

When I return to Llangynidr I seem to become a different person...and I dislike the village for that...no longer am I in a successful relationship...no longer am I braving out the idea of a career change...no longer am I a dog owner...I am daughter of Joan the village florist...I am a child...a 28 year old child...but a child nonetheless....and I dislike myself for it so much...I feel desperate to get in the car and back to my life!!!

I'm at my parents...I've been dreading it all weekend to the extent of a minor panic attack last night...They wouldn't be so bad if they were a bit less overpowering at times...Sounds unfair doesn't it?

My parents basically are good old fashioned Welsh valleys people...they have Welsh valleys attitudes and morals so find it hard to accept that their daughter is in a same sex relationship...no it's not news it's been ongoing for four years mum and dad....

Anyway I stress when I come to see them becayse it is a case of...Sian when are you going to do this...when will you loose some weight...gosh you're fat...why don't you...I worry about what they'll say to me...I worry about how I will respond...I worry about my own sanity!!

I guess I just need to say calm and think happy thoughts of bunny rabbits with fluffy tails...my girlfriend...my dogs...my everything!