As promised yesterday I wanted to talk about how I've changed...so...here goes..

When I was little I lived in the small village of Llangynidr...I have often talked about it here so need to say much other than it's small and not much happens here...due to a shortage of young people I was a fairly solitary child...I went to St David's Ursuline Convent in Brecon where whilst I made some friends none of them were uniquely mine...I often felt like an outsider from everyone else and I hated that...people used to taunt me occasionally about my buck teeth and some people were cruel enough from an early age to call me a lesbian (I guess they were right...) Despite opportunities to leave behind the taunts and bullying I chose to stay there until the age of 18 and things did get better...I made two main friends Pen Dalley and Christina Nixon who I have unfortunately fallen out of contact with and life became happier...

Around the age of 17 I started to experiment sexually with men who I typically picked up on-line...whilst I enjoyed the thrill of meeting someone new and having sex the sex itself did nothing for me...I guess it was the thrill of knowing I may get caught and that my parents would disapprove of it...at the back of my mind throughout this time was there has to be something better than this and I would frequently find myself gazing longingly at girls and ladies thinking...ooh I wonder what that would be like...

I entered into a series of relationships the most prolific being that with a guy called Leigh...he was a fab guy...occasionally a little tactless...he had a love for food...he used to book us into hotels for nights out...but basically there was still something missing...and bless him there was nothing he could have done to change this...

By this time I lived in Cardiff and had gone from a tee totaller to a beer and lager swigging food obsessive...I had gradually gained confidence in myself and was feeling happier every day...I also gained a love for music and my CD collection was rapidly gaining in size....

After a year away from Cardiff in Llanfyllin and a year and a half away from a proper relationship I met Claire and I feel head over heels in love...this girl was everything I had looked for and I felt so happy...despite the problems with my parents I was prepared to fight for her and I guess this is where tonight's blog joins on...

On a recent visit to Cardiff I walked those same city streets around the districts of Cathays and Roath where I had once been so happy and I thought to myself...gosh I've changed...

My parents would argue that the changes I have gone through are largely negative but I am writing this feeling happy and secure in a relationship and loving my home life...

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

David Bowie - Changes