It's a gorgeous day in Bromsgrove today...everything looks really pretty and full of life...the sun is coming through a beautiful blue sky...however, I feel freezing cold...I hate this feeling as all I want to do is put on loads of layers of clothes to stop me shivering...and also the knowlege that things will get colder before they get warmer again..I want to go and live on a nice warm desert island...can someonetake me away!!

Over a period of time I have grown increasingly unhappy with the teaching profession. I went into teaching because I wanted to make a difference. I guess in reality I hadn't banked on there being loads of nasty little teenagers who whilst lovely away from the classroom are a nightmare when in it!

So I spent the summer working for Tesco's I guess this was largely as a confidence boost as much as anything. I now work for Tyre Source where I spend the day calling different Kwik Fit depots and again it is a confidence boost as much as anything as I hate phoning people. The money from working in both jobs has been rubbish but I have noticed my stress levels reducing.

Something new can help and whilst it seems to initially up my anxiety levels a bit of adrenaline can help. I'm hoping this will be the case tomorrow when I go back to college - it's only an evening course but it is still a challenge. It's a course I've wanted to do for so long that I can't let the anxiety get me down....calm...breathe...chill

So Claire and I had friends over last night which was really cool...they left this morning fairly early on with Jon off to work and Gregg going into Bromsgrove before going home....

Anyway an hour and a half after I left them I went into town to run some errands and there was Gregg waiting for a bus...we chatted a little then went our separate ways!

So about two hours later Jon ges a text saying...it's all gone Pete Tong...what happened?

Well Gregg went back on the bus after it finally turned up...he got home and decided to die his hair using some stuff he had just bought...he puts the dye on his hair and goes to rinse it out...no water...he then tries the electricity...not happening...so he runs to the corner shop assuming it is because he hasn't paid any bills (still wearing hair dye)...he gets home and finds that the meter is actually fine and there is credit in it...he decides to wash his hair out anyway...only problem is..he only has freezing cold water in the fridge...

So on the latest phone call Gregg's hair is much darker than he wants it...he's freezing cold and thinking he may have to beg his little sister to let him stay!!!

I know...been a long time again...

Despite being underemployed at Tesco's which I am largely still enjoy I have struggled to find a full time job...because it is early days in the term supply is slow and whilst I have applied for loads of jobs the deadlines aren't till the end of next week....

I can feel myself spiralling out of control and becoming anxious and depressed because of the whole situation I am in...I want to fight it but occasionally it is so hard...

Anxious because of...money...feeling I am not good enough when going along to interviews....various other things too...it creates a nasty feeling in my chest and makes me feel like I am going to be sick...I take anti depressants to control it but sometimes they just don't help....

Depression...because of lack of job...worrying about the future...worrying about various other things beyond my control...If you asked me to worry about something I could!!

I take the pills but I still feel my eyes filling up and my heart feeling heavy...I need to escape this feeling and writing down my moods helps...in fact it helps a great deal...

Sometime I need to analyse what is going on and that helps me to get back on track!

Claire gave up her office...this results in us both loosing Internet access in the short term...I have just signed up for one of those mobile phone modem thingemys so am looking forward to having that and getting back on-line...

So much I could talk about on here...Since I last was on this blog we've had family to stay...we have had a decorator going over our house from top to bottom with colour and life...also we spent a day in London which was fantastic..

It kind of gets to that point though where you have so much to write about that it seems wrong to write about any of it...this is largely because you can't give it the attention it deserves...A little about London though...

We met up with a friend who we know through Ray Davies concerts...after knocking back a pint in the Wetherspoons on Leicester Square we moved on to a lovely quaint Thai all you can eat which was about five minutes walk away...very impressive...very tasty! We then wandered down to the Doc Marten Shop where I am afraid to say Claire and I spent ages trying on Doctor Marten shoes...and we both bought a pair...then to a lovely pub frequented by Richard Hammond for a pint...a visit to Denmark Street...Oxford Street before saying goodbye to Jayne and hopping on a train to the pinnacle of London (Harrods)...we even went across the road from Harrods to Harrods Supermarket (ok not called that but can't remember the proper name)...Once again I left London feeling in love with the city - bit relieved I don't live there as I'd be a) skint b) knackered c) even more overweight than I am alaready!