I will probably never send this but I've written it and would appreciate feed back
Dear Mummy,
I wanted to put down into words how I'm feeling. You recently asked me if I liked you and the answer to that is yes, I like and love you. I feel, however, if I asked you the same question the answer would be debatable.
I have always tried to be a loving and caring daughter. I try and spend time with you and my dad even though I am now grown up and have friends, a partner and other priorities in my life but it is difficult.
A few instances that hurt.
Your comments about my weight and size are rude and hurtful. I know I was always a size 12 or 14 but that was back when I was young. I have been comfortable as a size 16 for some time now and while I would like to loose some weight it isn't my top priority at the moment. I like food I like eating...and whilst it is wrong when you criticise me it makes me eat all the more,
Your failure to accept that I am unhappy as a teacher. I have tried teaching and I really do not like it. I dislike being in a classroom as an adult almost as much as I did when I was young. The truth is kids are cruel and nasty. Whilst I like the idea of passing on my knowledge I feel teaching possibly isn't my true calling in this life. What does it matter if I am currently between jobs? surely my happiness counts for more? What does it matter what Rita and the neightbours think of me? I really do not care...either take me as I am or leave me.
Next the big thing is my relationship with Claire. I love my girlfriend very much and we are intending to marry next August to mark our 5 year anniversary. All our friends have been told and the only reason I haven't let you and daddy know is that I am scared of your reaction. I am scared that once again you will be concerned with what people think rather than being happy for me. Claire is such an excellent partner to me. She is loving, supportive and always there for me. She has bailed me out financially on so many occasions you don't know about. When I have needed emotional support she has been there with advice and a shoulder to cry on. She sticks with me regardless of how immature, silly and slobbish I am. She has paid for alterations to our home, she has supported the purchase of my car and is a truly wonderful person. You however, seem unable to see past all of her positive points and dislike her because of what she is to me. You also dislike her because when I was in tears and becoming hysterical she told you to shut up. It hurts that Claire and I have the support of her family yet not of my own. The fact that no-one knows I am in a relationship with someone and have been for four years is difficult.
When you accuse me of saying things because Claire has told me to that hurts. Give me the credit of being a woman with a mind of her own. People young and old have always complemented me on how I know my own mind. They complement me on my ability to communicate with people. They complement me on who I am. They accept who I am. This is all because of the things you and daddy have taught me.
I frequently feel that I do not know what story I am telling people. Just be honest about me and be proud of me. I am writing this from the bottom of my heart. It is not something Claire has told me to write. These are all my own words.
I love you and I think these things could make our relationship so much easier.
Love
Sian
